An Apology

An Apology

Hey, I’m writing this out for all of those that I have wronged, in hope that you may all read it one day. Chances are you won’t but maybe you will.

I have wronged many people in my life. Not all even use the internet or will ever read this for any reason. Some don’t want me to say their names either. I’m not gonna write out a list of everyone I have wronged because I know I will miss someone and accidentally offend them.

Instead i’ll list out a number of ‘majorish’ mistakes I have made. Ask for forgiveness, and continue to try to be a better person.

Probably the biggest problem I have as a person in general is my ego, this has been the cause of so many mistakes that have affected many people. I apologize, I don’t know how to convey how much I am sorry to so many people. People who have rightly gotten mad at me, hated me, left me, scorned me, cursed me. I deserved all of that. I am truly sorry to all of you. I know that I can never earn the level of trust that I had with so many of you again. But I hope and pray that one day I can at least be friends close to the same level once more.

I make guesses. I don’t usually take them as facts but I do it sometimes. I give so much advice that I do not take myself. I’m still working as hard as I can to follow my own advice and be a good example.

I do not want to be famous. But I do want to be respected. This doesn’t mean where I am in charge of everything I am apart of. No, I want my opinions and such respected and at least listened to. I am a very insecure person. I have this constant need to be accepted by people and loved by people. I want to be trusted. I want to earn that trust too.

I’m a broken person just as much as anyone else. I can see your pain. This doesn’t make me any better than you. I see it perhaps easier than you see my pain, I don’t know. I want to help you all. I am so sorry that I am too broken myself to be of much help. I can’t help others if I don’t accept help myself. I want to deal with others pain, and work through it. But I run and hide from my own pain. I buried myself in others pain to hide from mine. To have an excuse to not work through mine.

I still am afraid to work through that pain. I tell myself I have and have worked past it but I have no memory of actually doing so. Because I never actually did. I just started lying to myself one day.

I want to be respected, but I also want to be your brother.

I hope you can forgive me, I understand if you cannot.

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